Freedom Isn't Free

[Don't worry, this is not a political post about war, sacrifice and America.]

But this is about the cost of freedom.

This post has written itself for a week, but.... I could not let the cat out of the bag until I felt confident it was for real.

[I suspect you might be thinking this is my way of announcing number two - sorry to disappoint!]

So what the heck am I referring to??

Well..... only the most perfect boy ever and the fact that he now goes down for naps and bedtime in approximately 1 minute flat. A goodnight kiss to everyone in the house, his blankie, his binkie and we simply lay him down in his crib and cover him up (he demands we place his blanket on him).

I don't know where this came from, but I do know that it is amazing and has provided J and I this whole new freedom of time.  What was once a 15-30min bedtime routine of rocking, singing and head rubbing has simply vanished at the drop of a hat.

Again, I take no credit for this milestone, but I certainly enjoy the oodles of extra time it provides me every evening.

But......with every freedom there is a cost.

I must admit the first few nights I fought this new routine that Ayden was so earnestly trying to establish.  Why does he no longer want to rock snuggled all cuddly and cute in my arms until he falls asleep?? (perhaps because he barely fits in my arms these days - yes...he is ginormous!) This was our special time together.  Oh, the hours we spent over the past 14 months gently rocking.  Even at the worst of times when Ayden fought the sandman or when I had work to get done, when I sat in that chair the whole world came into perspective.  That...right then and there....was what life was all about.  That time healed me, it cleansed me of the remnants of the day and strengthened me to take on the challenges of tomorrow.  If only children knew the power they give their parents, the mountains their smile can move, and peace their mere presence provides.

But for Ayden it was time to move on. To mature. To change our routine to meet his needs and wants. What this week brought me was realization that I was not losing that special time, I was simply finding it through other new interactions with Ayden. And thus, I set aside my personal desires and embrace the freedom our new routine brings.

And so it begins. Ayden and I's relationship will take many many forms over our lifetime; most of which he will define. I pray that with each new phase I will be astute enough to recognize my own agendas and expectations so that I may relinquish them in support of his.