A day in the life...

This is a therapeutic post.  We have all had these days/weeks/months....maybe even years.

I am feeling overcommitted.

However, perhaps unlike many with this feeling, I am also loving life (except  the periodic breakdown days).

My days generally go like this:

4:30am wake-up and go for a run (starring next week this will also include swim and/or bike)

6:45/7:00am - Arrive at work [if I am lucky, I may see Ayden for a few minutes before I leave]

7:00-5:00/5:30pm - work (billing 8-9 or more hours) [Most days I rush home for lunch and try to catch 20-30min with the boys]

5:30-7pm - Dinner [often not able to eat my own until it is cold, or eating while one or more child crawl around my lap]

7-7:30pm - Gavin bedtime routine

7:30-8:30 - clean kitchen/ clean playroom/ spend time with Ayden 

8:30-9pm remaining house cleaning/laundry folding/Ayden bedtime 'routine'

9-930pm - Get ready for and go to bed.

10pm - hopefully sound asleep :)

I find that when I start to feel overwhelmed or unbalanced it always help to verbalize how I feel and what my day consists of....to find some perspective.

Yesterday was a 'breakdown' day for me.  The stress at work had reached a tipping point. Despite that, I held strong to my commitment to pick up Ayden from school. So, I rushed out the door to get him. Once there Ayden decided to throw a fit about having to take off the jacket he was wearing (bc it wasn't his) and leave it there.  So....after that negotiation and whining, we made it to the doors of the school, only to find there was a small bus sitting outside. Ayden of course wanted to go on the bus....this was not an option.  But, as Ayden so nicely puts it these days "BUT, I WAAAAANT TOOO!!!"....so, that quickly turned to tears (again) and simply very loud whining just about all of the way home.  Then, once home he didn't want me to put him down so that I could use the restroom (that too turned to tears).  My frustration was at its max.  And before you know it....I had to head back to work with a bag of veggie fries to call lunch. As I am leaving, Gavin begins to wail bc I essentially flew in and flew out without so much as a few kisses for him.....let me tell you......I felt just awesome as I got into the car.....

It occurred to me last night as I was rocking Gavin, that most days I only have about 2 to 2 1/2 hours with him since I have been leaving for work before he is getting up.  That instantly made me sad. Then I thought about it some more....first, this is not the typical, things at work are nuts and on top of that my training is demanding (and about to get much worse) - this is a temporary situation....secondly, I LOVE what I am doing when I am not able to be with the kids - work is challenging and fun, and training is mentally and physically challenging not to mention good for me - so I am grateful that I am not like many who must leave their children to be miserable all day.

And as quick as that, I had gained back my perspective.  Life is good.  Life is busy and sometimes overwhelming, but undoubtedly good.

What does suffer the most when my life is in a busy phase are my relationships with friends and family (not living under the same roof), and for this I feel most sad and frustrated.  But again there is perspective to be gained. No one can be everything for everyone and no one can please everyone all the time. And so, I can worry about everything I am unable to do or be, OR, I can take it day by day and just do my very best.

Though it takes frequent reminding, I choose option 2.

So, if you are ever feeling overwhelmed, or inadequate or guilty about not having enough time for everything and everyone. Take a moment for perspective. Be positive. And then stop being so darn hard on yourself.  We only get today once; and tomorrow it is gone.