The Power of Motherhood

The power of motherhood never ceases to amaze me.  I am currently on the last night of what is the first trip J and I have taken away from Ayden (together)for more than a night. We have known about this trip to Costa Rica for over a year as it is for my friend Sara's wedding. Sara and I have been close friends since I was ten - she was my maid of honor - I've waited many many years to celebrate this wonderful day with her and yet, I underestimated the power of motherhood and found myself questioning my attendance the day before we were slated to leave. I could have never predicted the emotions.  The tearing of my heart. The legitimate thought that I might be able to miss Sara's wedding and be OK with it.

Craziness.

It was in that moment that I began to understand this complex, unpredictable, raw force that Ayden had inadvertently thrust upon me the second I knew of his existence.

Over the past 11 months I have traveled (quite a bit!) for work, so leaving Ayden is not a novel event.  Each time it is difficult, sometimes overwhelming. In fact, I have often finagled travel plans to shorten trips or bring Ayden along. But this was different.  In many ways. First and foremost I wasn't leaving Ayden with his father. This is not a statement of quality of care (lets be honest, Susan is probably giving Ayden more undivided attention that J and I together! =)), but there is a different emotion when walking away from Ayden and Daddy than Ayden and ___ (insert any other name). It was the sense of abandonment that surprised me the most. The inability to explain to Ayden that we would be back in a few days, or that we were even leaving in the first place! Secondly, this was the first time there were competing emotions. There is no question that Ayden takes precedent over work (hence the finagling!), but this time it meant something. A once in a lifetime celebration for my 'sister'. I know....a no brainer....but thanks to motherhood, it wasn't.

Sooooo, I went, left Ayden with Susan, danced my ass off, and came home to Ayden walking to greet me at the door (yes that word was walking...like two feet in drunkin-like synchronization, arms out reached and a 4 tooth grin to beat all grins). Another milestone checked off the list. Where does the time go??

Bottom line - never underestimate the power of motherhood. And for those of you who have not yet had the opportunity to experience it, I suggest you reserve comment/(judgment) until you have =)